On Wednesday night, late night hosts discussed Donald Trump’s fondness for religious AI images, a new way to protest ICE and Maga’s reaction to the Pope condemning the Iran war.
Jimmy Kimmel
On Jimmy Kimmel Live, the host addressed Trump’s habit of posting AI images of himself.
“You know he thinks artists make these?” asked Kimmel, before showing an image of Jesus cradling Trump posted by a Maga account. “He thinks they’re paintings for real; he doesn’t realize this is an AI thing. And check out the chin and cheekbones on him. Someone’s been looksmaxxing!
“You know, it’s been a long time since God smited someone.”
Kimmel then turned to Trump’s recent comments on Fox News about the UK’s forecasted economic downturn. “The UK, I would say this: they’ve got to stop with the windmills, and open up the North Sea.”
“What is it with him and the windmills?” asked Kimmel. “Every problem comes back to windmills. Every day I become more convinced that Trump’s father used to beat him with a miniature golf club in the shadow of a windmill.”
Trump also told the Fox host that he ended eight wars in the first year of his second term as president, saying: “Nobody’s ever ended one war. Who’s ended one? Nobody.”
“That’s right,” laughed Kimmel. “Every war in history is still going on because no one ever ended one, except him.
“This war is going so poorly for Trump, he may need Melania to hold another surprise press conference just to get Epstein back in the news again,” Kimmel said.
The host also remarked on a “rough week” for JD Vance, who failed to make a deal in Iran and again had to defend Trump’s relationship to Epstein, branding reports of their friendship as a hoax.
“Oh, now it’s clear,” joked Kimmel. “They weren’t best friends, they were just extremely horny acquaintances together.”
Kimmel closed his monologue by addressing Minneapolis and LA protests known as Operation Dildo Blitz, where protestors affixed rubber sex toys to an ICE detention facility.
“Where did they get these dildos?” asked Kimmel. “Maybe from the Rudy Giuliani collection. It’s a nice and harmless way to let ICE know what you think of them.”
Stephen Colbert
After wishing a “happy tax day to all who celebrate”, Stephen Colbert focused on Americans’ attitudes towards the Iran war. Citing reports that the conflict has driven consumer sentiment to its lowest level in 70 years, the host said: “It turns out that 1956 is as far back as the numbers go, meaning that consumer confidence is at the lowest ever recorded.
“It may sound bad, but that’s only because it’s never been worse.”
This week, the convenience store chain 7-Eleven announced that it will close 645 US stores this year, citing declining consumption among low-income households amid rising inflation.
“Yes, that’s how bad things are in America” said Colbert. “Folks can’t afford to eat at 7-Eleven. What’s next, are Americans going to be forced to limit themselves to a Sensible Gulp [soda]?”
The host then moved on to discuss Trump’s Sunday social media post of an AI image that depicted him as a Jesus-like figure. Responding to the president’s subsequent claims that it was supposed to be him as a doctor, Colbert said, “The problem with lying to conservative Christian Maga about this photo is that they know what American Jesus looks like, and they’re not buying this bull.
“Clearly, Trump is in danger of losing his key demo: goateed meat daddies.”
Colbert then turned to Vance’s comments at a Tuesday event about the Pope’s criticism of Trump’s Iran war. “I think it’s very important for the Pope to be careful when he talks about matters of theology,” Vance said.
“Hey, JD, I know you’re Catholic, but you joined in 2019, OK?” Colbert responded. “I’ve been genuflecting since the mid-1960s.
“I think you’re out over your Catholic skis here, OK?” the host continued. “I think it’s time for you to sit down, then stand back up. Then kneel. Then stand again. Then shake hands with people around you. Then kneel a little more, then go take communion, then go back to your pew for some more kneeling, because you’re not sneaking out of here after communion.
“Because you know who left the last supper early? Judas.”
