I first became aware that people viewed muscular women differently during my teenage years, especially when taking photos.
Interestingly, I wasn’t even conscious of how I looked until other people started asking me questions like, “Do you get picked on because you’re muscular?” or saying things like, “Your arms look like a man’s.” It genuinely wasn’t something I thought about because when you’re training, all you care about is giving everything you’ve got in the session. Of course, as a result of hours and hours of training, muscles formed, and they served the purpose of helping me run fast.
What stood out to me was the difference in how men and women were encouraged to present themselves physically. Guys would do a quick set of press-ups before photos to make their muscles look bigger and more defined, and everyone would hype them up for it. Meanwhile, I’d be told to “relax” so my muscles looked softer and more feminine in pictures.
That stuck with me because kids and teenagers absorb what they’re told. We grow up hearing these ideas about how women are “supposed” to look in order to be attractive, soft being one of them. But as the years went on and the comments about my appearance increased, I started questioning where that mindset even comes from.
Is it that some men are intimidated by muscular women? Does strength challenge traditional ideas of masculinity, being the protector, the provider, the “strong one”? In today’s society, providing and protecting often falls more on financial stability than muscle size. So with that understanding, women should be free to have muscles or not: it has no impact on traditional roles.
For those of you who don't know me, I'm Desirèe Henry, an Olympic sprinter, elite athlete and health expert specialising in performance, wellbeing and mindset. I'm passionate about empowering women to build strength, confidence and a positive relationship with their bodies - and below, I share the many reasons you should believe that strength is sexy, sophisticated, and most of all, feminine.
Feeling pressure to make yourself “smaller"
I've felt pressure to make myself appear smaller, softer, or more traditionally feminine despite my body being built for performance, especially when I was younger.
When I’d go out with friends, I became really self-conscious about my arms, to the point where I always felt like I needed a cardigan to cover up. Looking back now, it’s sad because my body was literally built through hard work and dedication, but at the time I was worried about appearing “too much.”
As I got older, I had to stop myself and think, “Wait… you’re an athlete. Why are you hiding?”
What helped was realising that most of the comments I received from women were actually positive. Women would literally come up to me saying, “Your arms look amazing,” and although I’d smile and accept the compliment, internally it felt like I was healing a younger version of myself at the same time. Like one side of me was finally saying, “See? People do love this part of you.”
I also realised there’s something powerful about stepping out confidently in your own body.
When it comes to dating and the so-called “male gaze,” authenticity matters more than anything. If showing your arms or embracing your body filters out people who are intimidated by confident women, good. It allows you to attract people who genuinely like you as you are.
And that’s freeing. Because muscles don't make you less feminine.
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Your body as part of your identity
My relationship with my body has significantly evolved from seeing it purely as a performance tool to embracing it as a source of confidence and identity.
I can laugh about it now because when I’m planning outfits, I’m actually thinking, “How can I show my arms more?” - something younger me would have cringed at the thought of.
Your body becomes part of your identity and presence. When I walk into places, arms glowing, people instantly become curious. They ask what sport I do or how I train. It becomes a conversation starter, which helps when entering spaces where I may not know anyone.
With age, I've developed a much deeper level of confidence and ownership over myself.
When you’re younger, you focus heavily on performance and results. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realised my body also tells a story. It reflects discipline, resilience, consistency, and years of hard work. That’s something I’m proud of now, rather than something I feel I need to downplay.
So now when I get dressed, the focus isn’t to shrink myself; it’s to embrace myself.
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Being different doesn't make you less worthy
I always laugh a little when someone says, “I want to start lifting weights, but I don’t want to look masculine.”
People think that level of muscularity happens overnight. It doesn’t.
Truthfully, the level of strength and muscle I’ve built has taken years of elite-level training, consistency, discipline, recovery, nutrition, and lifestyle commitment. This is literally my profession. Most people are not accidentally waking up looking like an Olympian because they picked up some dumbbells twice a week.
As someone who also personal trains people, I’d say don’t let fear stop you from becoming stronger. Strength training improves so much more than appearance. It builds confidence, discipline, posture, energy, and overall health.
At some point you have to stand up for yourself and ask, “Do I like what I see when I look in the mirror?”
Because that’s what matters most.
Not everyone is going to find the same things attractive, and that’s okay. Being different doesn’t make you less feminine, less beautiful, or less worthy.
Also, body change is gradual. At any point in your journey, you can stop and proudly say, “I’ve reached my goal.” Results take time - that’s the beauty of progress.
I’d encourage women not to live in fear that one day they’re suddenly going to wake up looking completely different overnight. And I’d also ask, is the fear actually about how you feel about yourself? Or how you think other people might perceive you?
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Misconceptions about strength training and femininity
One of the biggest misconceptions is that strength training automatically makes women unattractive or “too big.” Another is that abs are somehow masculine.
But why?
Strength training can actually enhance shape, posture, confidence, and the way you carry yourself. A lot of women’s “body goals” are actually physiques that can be built in the gym: small waist, firm glutes, toned arms, better posture.
I understand women can have very different insecurities, but I’ve never personally found muscles to negatively affect my dating life.
My goal in life is to be happily married one day, and my mindset has always been: I only need one person out of billions to truly love me for who I am. Not ten thousand. Just one.
Thinking that way removes so much pressure; I want more women to feel relieved from that pressure, too.
It allows you to live for yourself, instead of constantly trying to fit into what you think other people want. Imagine pretending to be someone else just to attract someone, then feeling like you have to maintain that forever. That sounds exhausting.
So my advice is simple: come as you are. Muscles, no muscles, sporty, quirky, feminine, strong. Just be you.
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Slow but impactful change
That said, things are changing - slowly but surely. A great example is Ilona Maher, who rose to fame during the 2024 Olympics (she was also a Marie Claire UK cover star in 2025). A huge part of why people connected with her was because she openly embraced both sides of herself. Her content celebrated how physically strong she was on the rugby field while also showing her personality, humour, femininity, and confidence off the field.
She wasn’t trying to shrink herself or make herself more “palatable.” She was fully owning who she was, and people loved her for it.
More women are now seeing strength as empowering rather than something they need to hide. I also think when we see people online or even in person who are just so comfortable within themselves and so self-assured, there’s a part of us that thinks, “Wow, I want to feel like that too.”
It’s refreshing. It almost gives other women permission to be bolder and more confident within themselves too. That’s the ultimate level of self-love and acceptance.
Bottom line? Love yourself first.
Look in the mirror and hype yourself up before anyone else does or doesn’t.
There honestly should be a law that makes sure we hear that every single day, but if nobody has told you today, then let me be the first to say it: You are beautiful!
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Shop Desiree's go-to products now:
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